Trains, Planes & Automobiles: Cha Uak

*NOTE: Read at your own risk or just skim through the pictures!

Where nightmares come true!

Uak in Thai means "vomit." Because our trip to Cha Uat was so... memorable, I have renamed the town Cha Uak. Here's the main thing about the trip: we were completely lied to on such a regular basis, a person might begin to think they are the insane one... but I swear, we're not!

As Logan said, "If my family would have treated you this way, I would have been so embarrassed." And it's true! When I met Logan's extended family, everyone was so lovely and welcoming. The even sadder part is that I wasn't embarrassed! We knew it would be kind of awful, but we just couldn't get out of it at the time. I blame it on jet lag!

The day we left for Cha Uat was the last national holiday until July...

birth, enlightenment, death

Visakha Bucha Day celebrates the birth, enlightenment and death of Buddha and is celebrated in majority Buddhist countries all over Asia. I thought maybe there would be some interesting activities going on that day that we could check out, but my aunt thought it would be fun to come get us at 8:30am. Oh, and she doesn't drive, so we just took taxis everywhere. Oh, and she speaks no English! Fuuunn.

We were told we had to go on this trip 12 hours before she came to collect us. I told her that we had plans with my cousin that weekend, and she said that my cousin could be rescheduled and that my aunt in Cha Uat already bought the only tickets available for the foreseeable future. Cha Uat aunt is also the principal at a school that was opening the next week, so it was important we go when she still have free time. Anyway, she proceeded to ask me how to spell our names for the tickets, which in hindsight is totally hinky because to buy tickets, you need people's names already!

RED FLAG!

I was also told we were taking the train, so I hurriedly packed a chunk of inappropriately sized toiletries. What took me over the edge was that when she came to pick us up, it turns out we were flying, and the flight was not until 3PM. She made us take a taxi back to her house to wait, which is further than ours from the airport. AND her house is just kind of depressing... imagine a lot of dusty tchotchkes, mildewy tile and a gurney in the corner that your grandfather died on.

My aunt in Cha Uat picked us up from the Nakhon Si Thammarat airport, and it was another hour to grandma's house.

Ground Zero - the road to grandma's house

My aunt's arguments for us leaving so immediately were the following:
1) Cha Uat aunt was only available that weekend because of the aforementioned school opening, so we would only be gone for 4 days
2) I needed to spend "quality" time with my grandmother who I hadn't seen in 7 years
3) Tickets are extremely limited, so we were "lucky" to get the ones we got. Extra emphasis on "LUCKY."

When Cha Uat aunt picked us up from the airport, she began with the following:
1) Tickets are so hard to book, she has no idea when we'll be able to return to Bangkok
2) She'll take us to the beach tomorrow, but we should stay until next weekend when she has MORE TIME to take us to the NICER beach on the Andaman Sea side of the peninsula instead of the okay-but-not-so-amazing beaches along the Gulf of Thailand.

Andaman to the West, Gulf of Thailand to the East

What?! To recap:
1) We were specifically told that we had to go that weekend because it was the only one she'd be free
2) No possible return ticket? We were told 4 days tops! LIARS!!!

I was extra peeved when we got to my grandmother's. It turns out my mom calls there every Friday night, so I was able to talk to her about the situation, since they just laughed when I told them that we needed to get home in 4 days tops. My mom was actually surprised that we were there, apologized (actually just to Logan) and said that she thought she'd be helping us plan a trip to Cha Uat after a couple months of settling in. She blamed the whole thing on a "misunderstanding" and my inability to effectively communicate in Thai. If you've never met my mother, she has an amazing knack for completely insulting you under the guise of support. Actually, here's an excerpt from an e-mail I received from her after our return:

It is a big different between Thai and American cultured, if you can not
except the culture of the country you live in, it will be difficult. It is
not all the people know and understand American culture in Thailand, the
majority of people will not understand so you have to adjust yourself and
not waiting for them to adjust their culture to you.

In our defense, I do not believe that our issues were cultural per se. I fully subscribe to the belief that the problems stem from a difference in personalities, as in over-bearing and self-centered. Overall, I find most Thai people to be pretty friendly and talkative. This bunch was just self-centered and never listened... but anyways, on with the story!

So we got up Saturday morning, and Cha Uat aunt says we're going to the beach. Of course I did not bring a bathing suit because they told me we were just spending "quality" time with grandma in town. Also, there is the bathing suit taboo deal that I didn't feel like breaking into during this trip.

Before we could get to the beach, my aunt said she had to stop by her school to check on some stuff. This ended up being an hour away from my grandmother's.

The school is so big, we couldn't get it in one shot. This is just half of the front.

Can you spot the crazy?

There she is! Terrorizing some poor girls I'm sure.

A bronze statue of The Princess Mother of Thailand,
Somdej Phra Sri Nakarindra Baromraj Chonni

Utilitarian version of typical Thai architecture: the gable roof

Desks taking in some last minute sunshine before the carving begins again.

We finally left the school after over an hour of wandering around the grounds, while my aunt did principal-y things. It was interesting visiting the school because it also runs a vocational program. I went by the batik studio where kids were working on some textiles to sell in the city. We also passed by a room of young girls stuffing and sewing pillows closed. I guess sweatshop priced labor means it's cheaper to have girls hand-sew pillows closed instead of using a machine. Hmm.

My aunt finally reappeared and announced we were going to the beach. We drove for another 20 minutes when she pulled to the side of the road, and a lady runs up to the car and gets in next to me. This meant that I got to sit in the most uncomfortable of seats, the back middle, and poor Logan, who was already having trouble fitting in the car, was extra squished into his corner. Needless to say, it was another 2 1/2 hours before we got anywhere, and by the time we were finally freed from our little Toyota prison, I thought what little butt I have was going to fall off from lack of blood circulation.

Imagine this as your view for nearly 6 hours straight.

My aunt said she picked up her friend because she speaks English and wanted us to have someone to talk to. We think she just wanted a spy to find out what we were talking about. Besides, it was pretty clear throughout the trip she would rather spend the afternoon chatting with her friend than us anyway. As it turns out, her friend's English was pretty poor. She could say certain words with accurate pronunciation, but the comprehension just wasn't there. She kept on translating things we were saying 95% inaccurately, at which point I realized my Thai is not half bad.

Throughout the ride, she kept on saying that she wanted me to visit the kids at her school (she is either a teacher or principal). She also wanted us to move to Cha Uat to teach English to her kids and learn Thai with the 2nd Graders because it's so much cheaper than the city, and all we have to do it buy a car or motorcycle. I just nodded along because I knew they would not accept my no. Plus, I have no doubt that they would leave us at the school and never let us return home!


We arrived at a beach 2 hours later, and everyone announces that they've never been to this beach and have no idea what it's like.

The coast is also lined with mountains.

The elders declare the beach a big DUD because it is was crowded (it was not that crowded) and decided we should go to some other beach that, allegedly, is home to a pink dolphin and more beautiful.

We finally arrived at Khanom Beach after another 30 minutes of driving. They pulled into some restaurant between all the resort bungalows and declared this beach a winner. I will agree that the second beach was less crowded, but it definitely was not as pretty as the first one. Plus, the waitress announced that we just missed the pink dolphin's appearance around noon. Suuure lady!

All of the food was pretty delicious. When seafood is fresh, it doesn't have that weird frozen-and-thawed fishy taste. Nonetheless, they ordered one too many dishes per the Thai norm.

The elders decided we should go frolic on the beach fully clothed, while they continued to harass the wait staff under the shade of the restaurant.

The water was a perfect temperature. Too bad we couldn't go in.

After our 1.5 hours at the beach, mostly spent eating, it was time to get back on the road. Yeeaa.

We drove for another 2 hours and dropped what's-her-face, Ms. Conniving, back off on the side of the road, and Logan could not be happier, as was my butt. Then we were forced to go back to the school for another hour.

All-in-all, the day sucked. My mom called that night to check-up on us and said if we were supposed to be down there to see my grandma, then we should just spend the next day with her. Quality time was quite the rager...

Thrilling.

We decided to take matters into our own hands by taking a walk.
This type of house is fairly common, but the original foundation was probably on stilts instead of concrete. Houses are often raised because towns flood easily during monsoon season. You can see where the water line is along the bottom of the foundation. Slight sewage improvements have helped alleviate this problem, but we've only experienced the beginning of the rainy season. Time will tell if we have to wade home in a slurry of poops and plastic bags!

Cruising around on your motorbike is the #1 Sunday afternoon activity for the locals.
#2 is the LAN cafe!

My fear of heights and stairs/escalators began when I was 5 and fell down the stairs at my grandparent's house...

The house is quite big. It has 3.5 floors and 3 bathrooms. My grandfather used to cut keys on the first floor, which can open up like a shop but currently isn't.

3rd floor shower

Much like my aunt's house in the city, my grandmother's is like a forgotten vortex of sadness. I'm not even sure what that means, but it's how it feels. Everything is dusty and dirty or water damaged with a moldy layer of rot. The water in the house smells musty, filling mopped rooms with a nauseating odor.

Everything is slightly crooked...

dilapidated and rotting...

rusty...

or crawling with jing-jokes (geckos)

While my dad's side of the family is Catholic, my mom's side is Buddhist. Idols from the shrine near our room...


The top floor deck is my favorite part of the house. When I was very young, music piped through the town around 10pm, and I would go outside to listen and spin around until I was sufficiently dizzy.

The neighbor's balcony from our deck.

There is a maid in charge of taking care of the house and my grandmother. I believe it is within most people to choose whether or not to treat people with a level of decorum, despite what social hierarchies exist. We noticed she was often not invited to sit with us during dinner and was only offered what food was leftover. When I would try to wash my own dishes, my grandmother told me to leave them for the maid. When she wasn't around, I'd try to sneak and wash some dishes, but she quietly pleaded with me not to or else she'd get in trouble. She was the only one to attempt to speak to Logan in English and always offered a smile.

There was just a general lack of respect on the part of my relatives. As we unhappily counted our days and planned elaborate escape routes, I thought about what the days are like in Cha Uat. Day in and day out, a cycle of napping, eating and dictating. We had to get out!

So, we asked over and over again when we would be leaving. They told us all of the flights were sold out. They told us it was most likely all of the trains were sold out as well, which I found hard to believe since it is was low season for travel.

We went for a walk one morning, and I pointed to the track and asked my aunt if it lead to the train stations. She said nothing was there and made us walk the other way... We went out later and found it ourselves!

Take us towards Ban Tun!

The road home.

My aunt took us to a school supply shop in town and told us we should learn Thai from the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper brought out some children's books and tried to make us recite the alphabet with her. Logan was not having it. My aunt then said she'd be right back, and we waited around for 10 minutes before making a break for it.

We thought about buying our own train tickets back to Bangkok, but we just headed back to my grandma's house. The town only has a 4 block radius, so it takes 10 minutes of walking to see the local sights.

The day we were to leave, they forced us into eating one last meal, even though we had just eaten 2 hours before. Logan almost vomited his food back on his plate, so they'd get the message that he was disgusting full.

Our train was delayed 2 hours because of heavy rain. Since we were supposed to leave that day, Logan decided to test a theory he had been brewing. He noticed that my grandmother went out of her way to never be seen in public with him, in fact she never made an attempt to be seen with either of us. In between naps, she sits outside on the front porch, which most of the town will drive or walk by at some point. She was sitting outside a couple of hours before we left, and Logan went out and just stood against the wall off to her side. It was obvious she knew what he was doing, but she wouldn't let his theory pan out that easily. She waited a couple of minutes, then picked up a bag of left over food and walked away down the street to go "donate" it. While sly, it still proves that she was definitely embarrassed to be seen with one of the only farangs in town (Logan spotted a white lady riding a scooter around town the day before).

Anyway, it was time to book it out of Cha Uak! The trick to going on long train rides in Thailand is booking an air conditioned sleeper car. This isn't a fancy Orient Express deal, but it's comfortable enough. My only qualm is that I always get stuck sleeping in the top bunk, which does not have a window.

Overnight sleeper train back to Bangkok (12 hrs)

Luckily, my main man and husband extraordinaire let me snuggle up in his bunk for the 12 hour trip...

After a night of fasting to protest my aunt trying to feed us meals every 2 hours, we finally arrived in Bangkok, took a taxi to my aunt's house to retrieve our laptops (because someone didn't tell us we were going through airport security) and taxied back to our apartment with my aunt in tow because she didn't believe we could get home on our own. Annoyed, we did our best to shake her at our door and have since been plagued with the occassional 9am doorbell ring to annouce that she is waiting downstairs and just "happened" to be in the neighborhood. Grrr!!!

But you know what? It's all good because I'm never again going to feel pressured by her to do anything or go anywhere where we aren't going to feel comfortable or welcomed. Logan also returned to Bangkok with a deep seeded desire to learn enough Thai to return to Cha Uat one day just long enough to zing my relatives, then take off on our own beach holiday!

Well now that I have completed the ultimate 13 year old girl's diary rambling experience, I can only promise to try to always do less words and more yummy pictures. Congratulations on getting this far! (Unless you skipped, in which case, I reneg my congratulations!)